36 questions

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? preference
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way? preference
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why? motivations
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you? preference
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? fact
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want? preference
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? how you see yourself
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common. how you see yourself & others
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful? values
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? how you see yourself
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible. fact
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be? preference

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know? values

14. Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it? motivations

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? experience

16. What do you value most in a friendship? relationships

17. What is your most treasured memory? experience

18. What is your most terrible memory? experience

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why? motivations

20. What does friendship mean to you? relationships

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life? relationships

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items. how you see others

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's? how you see others

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother? relationships

Set III

25. Share three genuine "we" statements, like noticing what you both feel in this moment. relationships

26. Finish this line: "I wish I had someone I could share ... with." relationships

27. If you were becoming close friends, explain what they should understand about you. relationships

28. Tell them what you appreciate about them, with unusual honesty for a new connection. how you see others

29. Describe a moment from your life that felt embarrassing. experience

30. When did you most recently cry with someone present, and when alone? experience

31. Name something you already like about your partner. how you see others

32. What subjects feel too serious to joke about? values

33. If you died tonight without contacting anyone, what unsaid message would you regret most, and why is it still unsaid? relationships

34. Your home catches fire; after loved ones and pets are safe, what single possession would you save, and why? values

35. Whose loss in your family would affect you the most, and why? relationships

36. Share a personal challenge and ask how your partner would handle it; then ask them to reflect how you seem to feel about it. how others see you