How to start a conversation

Sound?

Charlie woke up to the same quiet apartment, the same stale morning air, and the same knot in his stomach. He wasn't nervous about work — he was nervous about the elevator ride.

Every day, he stepped into the elevator and saw Emma. She lived a few floors above him and they rode down together most mornings. She always smiled, and they exchanged the usual script:

Hi.

How are you?

Good, you?

Good.

Then silence. Awkward, unbearable silence. Charlie hated it. He wanted to say something more, to keep talking, but his mind always froze. He never knew what to say. And so, like most days, the elevator doors opened, they gave polite nods, and went their separate ways.

Charlie wasn't just quiet — he was lonely. He wanted to connect with people, but every conversation felt like a dead end.

That night, scrolling on his phone, he stumbled across an article about something called “breadcrumbs.” It wasn't about food — it was about conversation.

What are bread crumbs?

When asked a small talk question like "how are you?", instead of giving a habitual response like "good", weave in a few topics of conversation. This gives the other person breadcrumbs, hints to steer the conversation passed small talk to something deeper.

What topics to pick?

Good conversation requires both people to be interested in the topic — but it's hard to predict what will grab the other person - so don't. Just focus on what you want to talk about. You won't find common ground with everyone and that's ok. Change your intention from trying to force a conversation with everyone to trying to find connections with some people. Common ground to share ideas. The key is to pivot from the surface-level topic to something that taps into values, aspirations, or personal experiences — that's where the real connection happens.

Plan it out

Start by imagining two or three conversations you would like to have. Conversations on topics you are genuinely excited to talk about. Then reverse engineer them. How might each start from a question like "how are you?" What are the breadcrumbs that would lead to each conversation. Create a response that includes these breadcrumbs.

Charlie sat up, intrigued. He loved movies and always wanted to learn to paint. Those were the things he'd actually enjoy talking about. He followed the article's advice and crafted a response.

The next morning, his heart pounded as he stepped into the elevator. Emma was there, as usual.

Hi.

How are you?

Good, you?

Charlie took a breath and went for it.

Deciding if I should paint, chase a promotion or pretend to understand the stock market. Not bad, I've been binging movies to procrastinate learning to paint. Bouncing between binging movies, figuring out my career and wondering if I should invest like a grown-up. Debating if I'm meant to be a career success story, a painter, or just a movie critic from my couch.

Emma's eyes lit up.

Oh my god, I love painting. I've been doing it since I was little.

Charlie blinked, surprised — but recovered fast.

I always struggle to stay motivated to learn. How did you manage it?

She smiled.

My mum was my inspiration and teacher. She was this brilliant landscape artist. I wish I was as talented as her. What kind of things do you want to paint?

They were still talking when the elevator doors opened. The conversation spilled out into the lobby. For the first time in ages, Charlie wasn't worried about what to say next. He had a lot to say. When they finally said goodbye, he walked to work feeling less lonely, more connected — to Emma, to life.

The next morning, Charlie woke up to the same quiet apartment. But it didn't feel so quiet anymore. He wasn't dreading the elevator. He was looking forward to it. He couldn't wait to see Emma and talk about the painting documentary he watched last night.