Hints
In my third year of university, Monday mornings were brutal. Most students managed to avoid early lectures, but I wasn't so lucky. The dining hall was almost empty at breakfast — except for Kate. Another unlucky person. Each week, our conversations followed the same predictable pattern:
Hi
Hi
How are you?
Good, you?
I'm good
Then silence. I wanted to talk to her, and I sensed she felt the same. The problem was that neither of us knew what to say. I didn't know what she was interested in — and she didn't know much about me either. This is where hints would have been helpful.
When someone asks, "how are you?", they're not looking for a one-word answer like "good". They're asking for any interesting information they can connect with. It's an opportunity to drop hints that reveal things about yourself. Information that can move the conversation past small talk. For example:
How are you?
Good! I've been reading a book called Neuromancer. It's about a junky hacker who gets blackmailed into doing espionage.
My response reveals I like Neuromancer, books and sci-fi. The other person could pick one of these they found most interesting to continue the conversation.
Prepare
Coming up with hints on the spot can be hard. To make it easier, anticipate common small talk questions you'll hear throughout the day like:
How are you?
How's your day going?
How was your weekend?
Any plans after work?
What do you do for work?
Then prepare a script for each that hints at topics you'd like to discuss.
What hints to pick?
Good conversation requires both people to be interested in the topic — but it's hard to predict what will grab the other person. So don't try. Focus on what you want to talk about. You won't connect with everyone, and that's okay. Change your intention from forcing a conversation with everyone to connecting with some people. However, the more topics you include in your response — or the more interesting the topics, the higher chance of connecting.
Listen for their hints
A good conversationalist doesn't just talk about themselves, they're also genuinely interested in the other person. Use your hints to start the conversation, but also listen for theirs. People naturally drop hints about what they want to talk about.
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