Aim for no

Scott Galloway revealed a trait of successful people is their willingness to endure rejection. In business, romantic, and social arenas. Wealth, quality of spouse, and size of social circle is propotional to how willing you are to aim high, get rejected, and keep going. Canva co-founder Melanie Perkins was rejected by over 100 investors before securing her first round of funding. Harry Potter's manuscript was rejected by 12 publishers before being accepted and my friend Brian is dating someone way out of his league because he flirts with everyone.

The most difficult of the three arenas is romantic, so that's what I'll focus on. Romantic rejection hurts the most because of the reason why I was rejected. It's the proof my fears are true. There is something wrong with me that separates me from dateable people. Asking anyone out will only result in rejection. I will die alone.

Be rational

I'm not sure why I default to this line of thinking but, when emotion recedes, I think about the situation rationallyrationally: to think based on logic, reason, and sound judgment rather than emotion. and realize this was one person among eight billion. They have no influence on the other 7,999,999,999. They made a call based on what little information they could scrounge about me from a five minute conversation — and that five minutes was me at my worst. Nervous. Awkward. Speaking as if English is my second language.

Similarly, I know little of them. Did they reject me because they just got out of a relationship? Is there someone else their interested in? Am I not their type? There are a lot of reasons for rejection. Concluding they identified, in record time and with fractional information, I'm undateable and that they speak for the rest of the population is crazy.

A game of chance

Because there are so many unknown variables, asking someone out is akin to rolling a dice. A rejection isn't confirmation of my fears, it's just a bad roll. Being a game of chance means the more I roll, the more I'll roll a six. And I look for situations where I need a six. As Scott says, aim high. If I'm not getting a lot of no's, I'm not aiming high enough.

Aiming for no when asking someone out takes some pressure off, but, it's still hard. To handle it, get rejected, a lot. Like how a body adapts to adversity in the gym by growing muscle, a mind can adapt to rejection.

A loaded die

It's not all blind chance. There are some variables I can control that tip the odds in my favor. Like the way I act in that five minute conversation. Similar to adapting to rejection, a mind can adapt to courting. Just keep doing it.

Silver lining

Rejection is freeing. Anyone I'm interested in has power over me because I want something from them — their approval. Interacting with them feels risky because I don't want to jeopardize the chance of getting it and time is spent thinking about them. When I ask them out, they lose that power. I now know they don't approve so the risk when interacting is gone. The grip they had on my mind releases and I can move on to someone in the remaining 7,999,999,999.

Pain

Sharif writes most people will spend decades in chronic pain to avoid hours of acute pain. Life involves pain. We don't get to choose whether to endure it or not, we just get a choice of which to endure. The pain of exercise or the pain of a deteriorating body. The pain of getting rejected by a love interest or, wallowing for years in loneliness. Choose acute pain.